Coping Stances
Coping stances are habitual emotional responses to stress or change that can either support or hinder communication and collaboration. Recognizing these stances helps change agents facilitate healthier, more productive conversations.
Coping Stances vs traditional thinking
Two different assumptions about how change should work.
Lean Change
Coping stances are valuable signals, not problems to fix. Instead of dismissing reactions as “resistance,” Lean Change encourages curiosity about why people respond the way they do. By recognizing and addressing underlying needs, change agents can co-create environments where trust, safety, and open communication enable real change.
Traditional Change Management
People who resist change need to be persuaded or managed. Emotional responses are seen as obstacles to progress, and resistance is addressed through training, communication plans, and compliance strategies rather than exploring the root causes of people’s concerns.
Virginia Satir, a pioneer in family therapy, identified [b]five common coping stances[/b] that people unconsciously adopt when faced with stress, conflict, or uncertainty:
[ml][ul][li indent=0 align=left][b]Blaming[/b] – Shifting responsibility to others, creating defensiveness and conflict.[/li][li indent=0 align=left][b]Placating[/b] – Seeking approval, avoiding confrontation, and suppressing personal needs.[/li][li indent=0 align=left][b]Computing (Irrelevant)[/b] – Detaching from emotions, relying on logic and analysis without addressing feelings.[/li][li indent=0 align=left][b]Distracting (Super-Reasonable)[/b] – Deflecting or avoiding the issue, preventing meaningful discussion.[/li][li indent=0 align=left][b]Congruence[/b] – The ideal stance, where communication is open, honest, and aligned with both thoughts and emotions.[/li][/ul][/ml] In change management, these stances play out in [b]stakeholder resistance, leadership behaviors, and team dynamics[/b]. For example, [b]a leader may adopt a Blaming stance[/b], holding employees responsible for failed initiatives, while [b]a team may Placate[/b], agreeing to changes they don’t truly support.
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Child Developments
Related child elements that expand this building block.
We enter a BLAMING stance when we value SELF and the CONTEXT, but forget about the OTHER.
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